Unrequited

i have found almost everything ever written about love.

to be true, shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting. oh what an extraordinary thought.

personally, i have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but i'm more than willing to believe shakespeare had.

i suppose i think about love more than anyone really should

im constantly amazed by its shear power to alter and define our lives

it was shakespeare who also said love is blind


now that is something i know to be true.


for some, quite inexplicably, love fades.

for others, love is simply lost.

but then of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night

and then there's another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the one that almost kills its victims, it's called unrequited love.

of that, i am an expert.

most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.

but what about the rest of us, what about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone?

we are the victims of the one-sided affair. we are the curse of the loved ones. we are the unloved ones. the walking wounded. the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.

yes, you are thinking of one such individual. and i have willingly loved that woman for over three miserable years. the absolute worst years of my life.

the worst holidays. the worst birthdays. new year's eve burthen by tears and valium.

these years that ive been in love have been the darkest days of my life.

all because ive been cursed by being in love with a woman who does not and will not love me back.

oh god, just the sight of her. heart-pounding. throat-thickening.

A Tribute to Komsay 06

Toy Convention

On Earth Day

Here are the Earth Day activities in Davao:



Apr 22 Davao People’s Park

9AM-12NN Art Workshop (2 participants per school; 25 DACS member schools)

1-8PM: - Envi Program Display (c/o DACS)

- 10MM online sign-up (c/o SMART)

- Hand marks on canvass (c/o AMON Mktng)

3-8PM - Art work display at Durian Dome (output of morning workshop) (c/o LGU & SMART)

5-8PM - Documentary/Film Showing (c/o DENR & Davao Doctors College)



Apr 24-25 DAMOSA IT Park, Davao (E-Tapok E-Waste)

spearheaded by ICT Davao Inc.

10MM online sign-up (c/o SMART)

ICT Davao to use the SMART cellphone bin for the collection of old mobile phones

Flies

What is it that
draws you to leave
these crisp
silhouettes
above my bed?

Was it loneliness
that made you
a part
of that dry puddle?

Or perhaps the
bright pop and flash
of a light bulb
dying?



It’s none of my business, really.
After all, I
haven’t an excuse for all my staring
blankly at a white ceiling.
And yet I’m drawn to it,
so humor me.
It’s no great thing to make
exceptions
for a kindred spirit.

Recipe for Disaster

Take one psychiatric hospital.

Too many patients,

And not enough nurses.

Mix together well.

Add one more patient.

Tell her she can’t go home.

Tell her there are others worse off.

Point out that she has a home, and a job,

that she loves, and is loved.

Suggest that ECT never hurt anyone and

that she really needs to pull herself together.

When she’s ready to talk,

tell her there’s no time.

When she’s cowering in the corner,

take your tea break.

Don’t ask her why she’s crying.

Don’t treat her like a person.

Panic when there’s a suicide on the ward.

Bring tensions to the boil.

And wait.

Unrequited

i have found almost everything ever written about love.

to be true, shakespeare said, journeys end in lovers meeting. oh what an extraordinary thought.

personally, i have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but i'm more than willing to believe shakespeare had.



i suppose i think about love more than anyone really should

im constantly amazed by its shear power to alter and define our lives

it was shakespeare who also said love is blind


now that is something i know to be true.


for some, quite inexplicably, love fades.

for others, love is simply lost.

but then of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night

and then there's another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the one that almost kills its victims, it's called unrequited love.

of that, i am an expert.

most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.

but what about the rest of us, what about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone?

we are the victims of the one-sided affair. we are the curse of the loved ones. we are the unloved ones. the walking wounded. the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.

yes, you are thinking of one such individual. and i have willingly loved that woman for over three miserable years. the absolute worst years of my life.

the worst holidays. the worst birthdays. new year's eve burthen by tears and valium.

these years that ive been in love have been the darkest days of my life.

all because ive been cursed by being in love with a woman who does not and will not love me back.

oh god, just the sight of her. heart-pounding. throat-thickening.

There's nothing to writing.

Well, maybe there is.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter or a computer or simply just sit holding a pen and paper and open a vein.

A word is not the same with one writer as with another. That is what I learned during the Creative Writing Workshop for Bloggers last Saturday, March 27, 2010.

This workshop wouldn't be possible if not because of Davao Bloggers who organized the activity.



I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter.
Just don't be lazy.

buzz

I thought I had finally figured something out. Some order had appeared and I didn’t feel as alone. But you obviously had a different plan. It hurts to have something, my footing ripped out from underneath me the moment I found it. You make me laugh, more than a lot of people. I enjoy being with you and talking to you and so on, but i’m always the boy that girls just want to be friends with. How unfortunate for me. Story of my life.

(Except you, you i loved. I miss you everyday. You’ve left me in an odd state. I don’t know if I still miss you, or just the thought of you. Than I think and I know I miss all of you. You were amazing to me. I suppose I didn’t deserve you, and that’s why you’re gone now. Just know I did really love you.)

But you, you, the current situation. You had no idea, i don’t hold you to it. I just can’t believe I had it all figured out (or thought I did) and this has occurred. Oh well. It’s not too late to revertrevertrevert to being the lonely one.

angst of a marker

i'm just an ordinary marker but i'm very special for kelly. and i'm proud to say that i'm his weapon in the battlefield of cartooning.

i've been with him from the start. i've drawn with him his first wining piece that he had for a contest. he and i had good memories with each other. i could still remember, he came back for me in the contest room just because he accidentally left me there. and i couldn't explain the happiness that i felt when we shared his first triumph.

you couldn't imagine how i know kelly very well. i'm the one who knew his deepest emotions every time he tries to draw something but then throws it in the garbage bin afterwards just because he's not satisfied. i could still count the sleepless nights spent for a single cartoon.

but not every story has its happy ending. i'm the one who got wet when he wept for his failures. i couldn't describe the great anguish inside. how i ever wish my ink didn't work that time when he drew the reason of his frustration.


so why do i have to write about this? because i wanted to tell kelly to never give up his dreams even if other people are saying he's not worth the prize. i want to rekindle his spirit and keep the fire burning for his true passion.

i guess he'll never be the same again. he lost the chance but i know he will never lose the interest to draw. and i know in the end, he'll be back with a sweet vengeance.

Out of School People

You go to school to be able to get ahead. Your school is your training ground for life. It is there where you will learn stronger habits to follow routine, to obey rules, to get along with people, to subordinate your ideas and wishes to those of others. It is there where you will be able to find out if you can be a good leader or a good follower. It is there where you will form new ideas, attitudes and ideals resulting from daily contact with your teachers and classmates. There too, through your class work you will acquire more skills in doing things. You can just imagine how fortunate you are being in school now, unlike these people – the Matigsalog – who are out of school.

Sitio Namnam is in the southernmost part of Davao City. It is where the Matigsalog tribe is situated. It is a rural community. You think of a cluster of nipa huts in a place surrounded by many trees, a brook with bamboo trees shading its banks, and people bathing near and in those brooks while goats and chicken feed on the grasses nearby. Your picture of their place and how they live is not wrong. The population there is increasing fast. Women as young as sixteen already have two children. They have no other things to do than to populate. As they increase, their resources decrease, and will eventally be lost if they will not be properly educated on how to conserve them and also on how to control their number. You think of education as the key. You are not wrong again.

Most of the Matigsalog children and young people ar not in school. Even if some are, the highest level they can reach is grade three that is the sad trend in their tribe. You are somehow right to say that it is not just because of lack of money but because poeple there are lazy and a bit indifferent. Most of them are qiute backward in their mode of living, backward in the sense that they are slow in adopting modern ways.They are also superstitious. They have superstitions regarding a number of activities - birth, delivery, puberty, marriage, death, planting and going on a journey - which are partially responsible for their slowness in adopting modern and more scientific practices.

They indeed need education for their community to prosper and for their future generation. This could not only make their lives better but can also determine to a great extent the degree of prosperity they can enjoy. There is no other place that you can get a proper education, but only in school.

Failing

I never turn them in. I think about it for weeks in advance and I’ve done it a dozen times before, but I still put it off and stay up all night not writing them, until I finally crash-land into bed knowing that I will not wake up on time.

I can’t keep my hands still when I walk down the street. They keep checking my hair, checking my phone, checking the time, anything to give me an excuse to look down, to look away from the faces in the crowd, the approaching eyes. I can’t know if it’s safe, I can’t know who might recognize me.

I skip class. I mean irreverently. I mean nothing feels relevant. So instead I sit at home and isolate myself because avoiding these problems has become my new obsession.

This is my confession. I owe a debt now to society, to the friends I’ve let become strangers, to the promises I made myself but never meant to keep. They’ve been calling me at night and now I can’t get any sleep. The ringing is starting to be too much. I’ve been talking to myself to find out why I’m losing touch. There is no answer yet; if you’d like to keep trying, please hang up and try again.

Compiling...

Yo! this is my first post in my newest bogsite. Welcome me.